Regression

In statistics, we say ‘regression does not equal causation’. Causation deals more with impact while regression defines the volume or density of the impact. That means it can prove correlation i.e. the movement of directly related variables. This isn’t an intro to the course or anything similar to that though. I just want to readily define it to differentiate between statistical regression and literal regression.

‘To regress’ in this case means to go back to a previous state. I did not look that up but I’m pretty sure that’s how it’s defined. I have a knack for made-up definitions though, so might as well not trust me and look it up yourself.

I felt regressed to a state I no longer associate with myself. It’s not an original state of being; I believe nobody readily thrives in conflict. Maybe some people do, I don’t know that much people anyway. For me, in this case, it’s the embodiment of my worst decisions as a person so far in this lifetime.

Going back to statistics, we have a process called data visualization. It’s the latter part of data discovery or data mining. Of course, one must be precise with the data they visualize. This is why it’s important to always do some testing before you present anything or else people will be drawing up business decisions wrongfully. That’s a mortal sin in my field. Numbers need to be accurate, to the dot. That’s where my constant nagging for reassurance comes from. It’s been part of my training. But I’ve been called stupid for it. I say choose your own religion!

Let me just say, however tacky, this career path has made me a better person. From where I was, I could never have imagined being relied on by Marketing Managers for numbers that they will use to better their systems/ processes. I thought one time I was only good for under-the-table transactions, i.e. theses and research papers for undergrads who have money but don’t have the ability to write anything coherent.

Going back to my pre-rant, I said I’ve been shrunkened to a specific state. This state is A state of fear. This fear I knew well because I have lived with it for a couple of years. Although upon deep consideration, I conclude that I’m currently okay. As per usual, I ordered a metaphorical pest control in my head and got rid of everything that would bother my peace. I lose some, I gain some. At least I’m safe within myself. I’d rather lose anyone than lose the person I’ve been developing. Me.

There’s this saying that if we forgive, we must also forget. I beg to disagree. For one, I have this theory that whenever I try to forget someone’s wrongs towards me, I’ll end up remembering only the good memories and then I’ll let them back into my life. And since harboring negative feelings hurt me more than those people, I tend to forget. And that makes me forgive faster. That’s just my theory.

So to counter this, I have to remain in a state of abhorrence. I have to dig holes inside my brain and never put a sign above them so I will accidentally fall into those holes and be reminded of the stuff people did. I have to be angry, all the time.

Because of two possible reasons which I will define because people have the audacity to define something that isn’t theirs to define i.e. my thoughts and plans, which is either I’m desperate in gaining back what I’ve invested or I wasn’t able to throw back the shite they gave me in the first place because I didn’t expect shite in the first place from those people.

I’ve been depressed for days and now, have regressed. I feel alive. I don’t thrive in conflict but I thrive in dirt, in cruelty, in chaos. I can grow from shit. Bastards always do.