Incognito

The stairs are dark

It takes time for each step

Flattening my feet on the wooden staircase

Each second, each step awakens me

Life washes over me, creeping underneath my skin

From the blindness I’m awakened by fear

Fear of what I don’t see

I just want these thoughts tangible –

The need for pleasure; for pain

The need for facts, logic, and meaning

But I can’t and my heart burns

I hold my breath and held onto the bannisters

I cannot move

I gasped with closed eyes

Around the arousing fear of my mind

Now I know, I knew nothing of who I am

So I step–no–run, down to the landing

Nauseated, I called out our name

Finally letting go

Piss streaming down each leg

Nothing’s there but sensation

I groan, this gift: a breathing body

I can’t get any more of this, this freedom!

I longed for a soul before

But was gifted more

I climbed back the stairs with soaked feet

Knowing nothing of what I was

Now I’m humanity

I need to get used to this

The thinking, the breathing, the petrified

I want to get used to this

But woke up in shock

A dream within a dream

I make their dreams

Might this be what I wanted all along?

To be like them?

For my own foreboding, buys me the time

To win back my creations

I’ll be meat and bones again