Disclaimer: None of this is scientific.
Humanity have long ago linked human guts with the way the universe unravels itself. Events happening to people’s daily lives can draw patterns which may or may not be conclusive. Perhaps the science of defecation can draw light upon the circumstances that pushed and pulled society into what it is today.
Ancient civilizations provided accounts of feces professed in dreams showing abundance of fortune, or it’s pouring into the life of the dreamer. It is widely known that if you dreamt of stepping on, handling or even just looking at feces, somehow money will find it’s way into your pockets.
A study in the early 2000s show that people with diarrhea while opening their bank accounts seemed to have higher deposits than those who do not have diarrhea while opening theirs. This began the tradition of taking laxatives whenever one wishes to open a bank account. It might seem gross to the people of now, but it did help the Asian economy grow starting from the mid-2000s to present day, twice it’s size. East Asia, for one, is known for paying high respect to tradition and superstition, which is why they eventually claimed the weight of the world’s most profitable currencies, stealing the crown from the West.
Southeast Asian business owners followed suit having learned about this strange custom. Like most developing nations, they took it upon themselves to use cow dung to bring fortune to their newly opened establishments to generate more profit. They smudged the feces all over the surfaces of their newly opened stores. It was popularly known as ‘smelly welcoming’. Animal activists have protested against this, siting that not only is it unhygienic, it’s forcing cow owners to force their cows to defecate more often which eventually lead to dehydration and occasionally, death. Although illegal, some of these cow owners also use the fecal matter to grow ‘shrooms‘ which is also highly profitable among millenials.
Unfortunately, not long after, people started experiencing pandemics left and right because of the gross custom. Kids got rashes that made them grow shrooms on their skin, elderly people die of diarrhea and ebola but they could see the future at the same time. They profited well from their sickness by becoming fortune tellers, feng shui masters, business analysts and marketing experts. Rallies sparked and dictators rose, regulating the use of feces of any kind. It became as prioritized as rice. As time went by it became more difficult to acquire which is why eventually, only rich people had the money to buy literal shit.
Years later, with technology advancing, people can only remember the stinky truth about their savings, their treasures. But people still believe that their guts will one day be given as much importance as before, like high-waist pants before it was phased-out in the 90s and made it’s come back in 2015. Shit will be great again.
The Variables of Jums 